Saturday, December 8, 2012

The Hardest Part Pt. I - Never Waste a Crisis

I have been sitting on so many notes and have been reading and breathing and singing and sleeping and dreaming everything I can that involves anything to do with God to survive everyday. I have surprised myself in my strength but I should have known that I would be able to do it when I gave myself entirely to God.

After my divorce was final, getting that final paper was expected but not any less painful.

Then came Thanksgiving and now the Christmas season. The first batch of holidays I'll be without my husband, sorry, ex-husband (still hard to say) in 8 years. I am still heartbroken. . .

The Hardest Part is the title of this series because acceptance and moving on is hardest when you look at the fact that a man you planned to spend the rest of your life with, a man who you once thought you could never live a day without seeing, feeling, hearing, kissing, seeing. . . a man who was your husband, who is now a man turned stranger. . .

Typing those last few words still stings. I suppose it will sting for years. That right there is the hardest part in this divorce for me. My heart still loves him and my mind still misses him. But here is the good news. . . I am happy! Why, you ask? Because I have God. The only way to cope with my divorce, as with any crisis in life is to walk with God. I could sit here and give a testimonial about my faith journey and struggles through the years that led me to this point, but this series of posts will focus on how I am initially coping with being a divorcee.

God works in ways to make any message we hear apply to our lives and at my new church home, Cape Christian, here in Cape Coral, FL, we got done with a 3 week series that I used to gear my mind and my heart for the battle that lies ahead of me. A battle that is a blessing because of who I am becoming as I grow in my faith and relationship with Christ.

I took notes from this series and will share how I'm applying it to my divorce experience.

from Week 1 of Resilience: A study on the book of James (click the link to watch the series online for free! I recommend it!)

Never Waste a Crisis
This series started the day after I received the final dissolution of marriage paper so it couldn't had come at a better time in my life. I remember waking up that Sunday morning feeling so broken and hopeless. I remember crying on the way to church just begging God to hold me up. I also remember coming home and sharing these notes from that sermon to my mom, telling her how I was going to be alright and this was why:

In trials and tribulations, choose joy! not anger or bitterness
choose joy because of what it produces - perseverance and so that I won't be rattled in my faith

I know God is going to use the pains and struggles in my life to make me better. I choose to be joyful about that because I am excited about who I am going to become from it, what I will accomplish and who I might inspire in the process for me to become the best I can be for the God that I love. Anger and bitterness doesn't help me or build me up. In fact it would only keep me miserable. Yes, it is hard and yes, it hurts and yes, it gets lonely especially for the holidays without having someone to share it with, but I will be joyful because of the blessings I have all around me in this time of my life.

Ask God!
Believe and don't doubt
He gives generously
what are you trying to grow in me?
Something is broken in your life so that God can strengthen something else.

I also know that God is working in me. I feel it everyday and I see it in the proof of the blessings I have that help make me into the new person I am becoming. Here I am, a personal trainer, I have a job doing what I love, I workout and love it, I have my family, my youth, my health, my pug, a beautiful best friend and sister in Christ, a church home, the will in my heart to want to serve, and a passion for life again. Something broke in my life so that God could strengthen me! It is a process and it is hard, very very hard, but I am happy. I am genuinely happy.

Is something breaking in your life so that there can be room for God to strengthen you somewhere else?  Ask for God's blessings, believe He is working, and choose joy!

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