I'm just going to come right out and say it because it is my reality.
I am going through a divorce.
I do not want to lose my husband. I still love him and this has been a rough few months for the both of us. I do not believe in divorce but of course it takes two and I can't make anyone stay with me. Obviously I still pray we can work things out. There is so much to the story and it has been a struggle. It only got worse and finally reached a breaking point that has led me here. Typing a blog post alone in my bed with my pug in my parents' house in Cape Coral Florida, 8 hours away from where I used to live a life with my husband. . .
I carry a lot of guilt and shame right now. I could go into the history, the story, the issues and my current struggle but I'll save that for my close friends, family and therapist for now. I want this blog to focus on the positive and to be an outlet to move forward. Only looking at the moment that is now and having hope for what the future holds. Having faith in what God has in store for His greater plan. I'll share my journey as I start over. No job. No money. Just all the hope and faith in the world to fight and become an independent, selfless, STRONG woman!
How does that saying go? You don't know how strong you are until strong is all you have left to be. That is me right now and how fitting that now I find myself in a position to live up to the name and purpose of my blog (minus the marriage part now) where I have to live the STRONG life. My sister told me that she was so proud of me for being so strong through all of this change, but I can only credit God for that strength. I tell you what, I am CLINGING on to Him with ALL that I have right now because left to my own devices, I may just be sitting in a corner crying my day away with a few empty bottles of wine. I have hit rock bottom (thankful though, because I know it could be worse) so now I can only go up from here. I have my youth and my health and my family all around me. How blessed am I!
I plan on surviving and coming out a stronger person. Here is to serving God, living fit, and loving ourselves flaws and all!
Oh and if you are reading this, I'm going to ask that you please pray for me. I really need it. . .
God bless!
~ Melina
P.S. Obviously this means that The Wifely Life series is over and I will shift the Love Challenge series on loving ourselves and others selflessly. Oh and of course, I'll be a lot better with posting about training mean and eating clean! I'm working on a home workout review of a plan I started now that I have no gym to go to (until I get a job) See you soon!
Oh Melina, I am so sorry. It is so brave of you to share and through your journey I am sure you will help other people in the same position. If you need anything, an unbiased source to talk to, someone who knows a little about divorce, I am happy to be your listening ear! Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for these words! It is my hope that in all of this that I could maybe inspire someone out there to keep their head high. :-)
DeleteMelina I am so sorry to hear about your divorce...but your outlook on your life is positive and I'm sure God will take care of all of the plans that lay before you. I'm thinking of you and I know many others are too! If you need anything {I know you have a support group but still} let me know!
ReplyDeleteThank you, your words mean so much! I always try to be positive and I keep talking positive in the hopes that my head and my heart can live that way. It feels so good to hear someone else tell me that I have a positive outlook in life because it reminds me that that is who I always want to be! I am thankful for your support :-)
DeleteMelina, I confess I am brand new to your blog and was looking for your Wifely Life series. I can't even imagine how desperately sad you must feel right now, watching many of your dreams slip into a place of "they may never happen now."
ReplyDeleteI'm grateful that you're holding onto Christ, the living hope inside of you. I am also glad that you are writing about fitness and eating clean. I look forward to coming back, getting down to the dirty business of getting clean physically and emotionally before each other and the Lord. I look forward to getting to know you, even though you may feel nothing like yourself right now. I bless you for having the courage to make this confession online and to allow us to witness your process, as God loves you, draws near to you, and encourages you in this dark season.
You are indeed very brave to share some of your life with a public audience. Isn't being a blogger such a mixed bag? How to share without sharing too much...how to encourage and make yourself a real, living, breathing human being without giving away so much that you lose yourself?
As one fellow blogger, living her life out loud and in public view, to another, I applaud you and stand with you in faith that all the best that God has for you is still available. I will pray for you and your husband, that you will hear clearly from the Lord, that you will find the courage deep inside to face the issues, deal with them, take responsibility, and respond in grace, love, forgiveness, and confidence in God for all the best that He has to give you both. I pray He will wrap Himself around you in the closest and most loving embrace, wiping your tears, weeping with you, and showing you the path of love and intimacy during a time when you would rather curl up and hide.
Peace to you! ~Angela
Thank you so much for being new around here and taking the time to leave such a heartfelt comment. :-) You mention me feeling desperately sad and while I strive to keep positive and strong, I do get my desperately sad moments. It truly is hard and I did struggle with whether or not share, but it was either not blog at all or open up and see where God takes it. Now sharing all the details, putting it ALL out there in a public blog for all to see? Yeah, not ready for that! lol. I am so touched by your beautiful words and I thank you for your prayers.
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