Monday, October 8, 2012
I'm just going to come right out and say it because it is my reality.
I am going through a divorce.
I do not want to lose my husband. I still love him and this has been a rough few months for the both of us. I do not believe in divorce but of course it takes two and I can't make anyone stay with me. Obviously I still pray we can work things out. There is so much to the story and it has been a struggle. It only got worse and finally reached a breaking point that has led me here. Typing a blog post alone in my bed with my pug in my parents' house in Cape Coral Florida, 8 hours away from where I used to live a life with my husband. . .
I carry a lot of guilt and shame right now. I could go into the history, the story, the issues and my current struggle but I'll save that for my close friends, family and therapist for now. I want this blog to focus on the positive and to be an outlet to move forward. Only looking at the moment that is now and having hope for what the future holds. Having faith in what God has in store for His greater plan. I'll share my journey as I start over. No job. No money. Just all the hope and faith in the world to fight and become an independent, selfless, STRONG woman!
How does that saying go? You don't know how strong you are until strong is all you have left to be. That is me right now and how fitting that now I find myself in a position to live up to the name and purpose of my blog (minus the marriage part now) where I have to live the STRONG life. My sister told me that she was so proud of me for being so strong through all of this change, but I can only credit God for that strength. I tell you what, I am CLINGING on to Him with ALL that I have right now because left to my own devices, I may just be sitting in a corner crying my day away with a few empty bottles of wine. I have hit rock bottom (thankful though, because I know it could be worse) so now I can only go up from here. I have my youth and my health and my family all around me. How blessed am I!
I plan on surviving and coming out a stronger person. Here is to serving God, living fit, and loving ourselves flaws and all!
Oh and if you are reading this, I'm going to ask that you please pray for me. I really need it. . .
P.S. Obviously this means that The Wifely Life series is over and I will shift the Love Challenge series on loving ourselves and others selflessly. Oh and of course, I'll be a lot better with posting about training mean and eating clean! I'm working on a home workout review of a plan I started now that I have no gym to go to (until I get a job) See you soon!