Feel the FEAR. . . the story of a comeback

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If you were to look back at my archive of posts for this blog you will see a lot of different phases that I was in for my life for the last 3 years. I have been up and I have been down and back up again.  

Then this past year, I struggled with writing, blogging and journaling as I struggled with my spiritual journey.  

I fell back into faithless habits of wanting to take control and allowing various temptations to take over me by fooling myself into thinking that..well...that I had control.  

But I didn't. 

And life had a way of showing me that I really didn't have any control because I didn't give it to God anymore. For that I have paid the consequences... 

I am lost. I gained a lot of weight. I am in over my head in debt. I got selfish in my behaviors and I even ended my relationship. But the worst of it all was that I turned my back on God.  

Why would anyone know the formula to happiness, have it, and then throw it all away?  

Fear. 

FEAR OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH

I would tell myself things like, "Who am I to be saying this, or giving this advice or offering this tip?" 

Ummm. That is so stupid! 

I'm not the only one in the place that I am at in life! By not doing it, how on Earth could I potentially reach out to someone who can also do it and contribute their little bit of light into the world? Call me selfish with a capital "S". . . 

FEAR OF SUCCESS

We all want to be successful. So why the heck would I not want to be successful?! I sabotage anything I do by not finishing what I started. I taught for a year, but I don't want to be compared to better teachers. . . I tried to be the perfect housewife when I was married and maybe even in my relationship with my boyfriend after but if I set a bar and didn't reach it, my partner would not love me. . . I became a trainer, but I didn't have a six pack like that other trainer did so why would anyone want to hire me? So I settled for fitness sales. . . but if I wasn't the top sales person, then I must suck. Forgetting the lives I impacted by just selling what I sold! 

See the trend? Many of us fall of into that trap.

I'd work for what I want, maybe see within my grasp a chance for what I really wanted and then sabotage it so that I couldn't reach that point of failure and start something else only to begin that cycle all over again.  

If I were to reach that goal that I have deemed my point of success then I'd open the doors for more criticism, for more chances to lose what I have. Instead of using my fears to fuel me to succeed, I used them to hold back. 

Wow this all sounds silly!

Which brings me to the next fear... 

FEAR OF JUDGEMENT

What are my peers, friends and family going to think of me? 

They might think, "Oh here we go again, she's done this before,"

"So typical, she'll start and stop this thing..yet again..." 

Is this really what people are thinking of me? Does it really matter? Am I really that self-centered to think that other people who have their own issues and problems in life really care if I go at it again to do something positive in my life? 

In actuality, it doesn't matter. 

To those that want to judge, they aren't the ones I'm doing this for. 

To those who aren't judging and support me, that fuels me. 

To those who are indifferent and might stand to benefit from even one sentence I might type. . . 

So here I am. Starting back at the blogging thing. Trying to inspire the world when I barely have my life together, but there is no point to waiting until I have the "perfect" life to share my story because it will never be perfect. It is all on how we handle life and how we grow from it. I am terrified of my fears. 

And today will be the hardest day for me in a long time as I start my new journey but I will FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY! 

Do any of these fears paralyze you?
What dreams have you been wanting to pursue? 
How have you been making yourself your biggest obstacle?

Feel free to share in the comments, share on the facebook page or answer those questions in a journal.

Follow my journey, learn little bits of inspiration and motivation as I learn them, and hopefully I might inspire you to share your journey with others with your God given platform!

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~ Melina